Gift and Curse

Hearing the voice of the earth and heavens shout at me was confusing. I'm not sure if it was reality or a fragmentation of my mind. It was quite surreal because it brought me to tears. The type of tears where you can't tell if you are happy or sad.

It felt real to me which is why I am struggling to trust myself. I want it to be real because what else did I experience? Because it was real to me.

Was it just an unmeaningful encounter that popped into my life? It has destroyed me to breaking point.

I always liked the double entendre, as life is one whole double entendre. But this double entendre seems like a double side of doom. I am flailing at the ground and forever debasing myself after this encounter.

I want this to be my gift and my curse. As it's supposed to bring on a new chapter, and a new world for me. At the moment, the curse hasn't shown it's a gift just yet. Am I supposed to wait for the gift to come for me, or am I supposed to search for it? How does it work?

I'm not sure that it will come to me sooner than later. I do know that I have to work on myself.

Because this curse is nothing I have ever experienced before. It's relentless. Never ending. Here forever.