Ocean Tales: Treasures and Dirt

Vignette 1- A Great Seahorse

I saw him at the eternal waterfall. A great seahorse. Great in the way of physique, but also in the way of personality. He had a curled tail like a lost shell, never worn out by time. Preserved by the ocean, as if he was waiting for me. 

The eternal waterfall thudded in glistening patterns to the same beat as my heart. I used my fins to travel closer, as I approached him. Was it unconventional for a female seahorse like me to do that? I said with a soft whisper, with the sea breeze carrying my voice away, “Looking for a partner?”

Our eyes connected. I wondered what he saw in my eyes. I saw a look of shock escape his face. A response I never would have expected, for we were at the eternal waterfall. A place for soulmates to find another. He came closer to me, nearing my nozzle, “Oh, hi,” he breathed, and touched my snout to greet me. This marked the start of meeting this great seahorse. At the time, I was too caught up with the waves to think clearly to realise that I was chasing a dream and maybe what ‘great’ was in my head, was too far to grasp.

Vignette 2 - If Swishing Seaweed Was An Emotion

We danced at the eternal waterfall. The bioluminescent plankton were the strobe lights of the dance floor. He exuded the greatness of his ancestors. His posture, as straight as he could make it, with a slight curve at his first trunk ring. The eternal waterfall belted a cacophony of splashes, creating a song for us seamares, and for the bucks to dance to. 

We circled each other. No words escaped my snout. Only the thud of the eternal waterfall patted with every swirl we made.

We were strangers in a dance, vacillating a hi or bye. Our eyes were briefly synched in time. We were unsure whether this was the start of our budding relationship, or was it going to be the end? I swished as silently as the seaweed which bent with the seabreeze. 

I could feel the tension. What was he thinking? I looked beside me and saw another seamare talking with her buck. Why was it so hard for me to talk to this great seahorse? The contrast between how all other seahorses who were getting along with their potential partners made me feel like a stranger from courting.

But the waves flowed by, so I flowed too. We made time to meet up again at the Swishing Seaweed Lagoon with the aim to get to know each other more. Like discovering a treasure covered by all the grit and dirt. 

Vignette 3 - The Liminal Space

At the Swishing Seaweed Lagoon, we talked for a while, as the knots in the waves tied our hearts together. The conversation was about following the waves, with the inevitability that one day we’d find a partner. That was what all seahorses did in their youth, I could see some young bucks with seamares twirling with them. Swishing like seaweed on a windy night. I was at that stage now. 

We talked about the sunsets we had experienced. He squinted off into the distance, “I like it when the sun is at the cusp of the horizon. Because it’s the liminal space of darkness and brightness. That’s how I like it.”

I responded with, “The brighter, the better.”

A thought escaped my mind. The day’s better when the light is highest in the sky. 

He let his voice flow with the waves, slowly unraveling secrets that he held in his keel, “I think I’m in a liminal space at the moment. I have my mother to care for, and I’m just barely getting by.”

I didn’t know what to say at the time. The only thing I could to comfort him was to share, “Times are hard.” Not really wanting to give a false sense of hope. The hard shell response came from me not ever being in the same position as him. Maybe he could sense my unease as I said it.

There was a sense of hope that I could be with him, that I could patch things up in my own secret way. Like believing that good things will happen to those who do good. But in the end I was powerless. He swam further away. His tail straightened the further he moved away. That was the first time I didn't hear from him in a while. 

In the liminal space of my own, between want and need, whispers in my head came, “Were we all created to seek our missing pearl, or was the rest of my life someone’s discarded treasure?”

This became the soundtrack to my loneliness.

Vignette 4 - What Blinds Us?

There was a time when I felt like I could share with him my own struggles. He asked with the bend in his first trunk ring jutting out, “Why have you decided to follow the waves now? Why not earlier?”

I had rehearsed this response. I knew he would ask this question. I didn’t let the question linger as I disliked awkward silences. The bubbles escaped from my nozzle. I wanted to be as clear as I could, without placing blame onto the seafolk around me, “I don’t really go out. Also, I had never really sought out a partner. I had always thought the right buck would come to me. But I know now that I have to put effort into finding a partner. As like everything, the right seahorse doesn’t come to me without any effort given.”

There wasn’t any really spectacular revelation, or no follow up questions. Just the waves continuing with their natural hum. This was something vulnerable that I had shared. I didn’t need an equivalent exchange. Just a space to be heard. The thought of taking this off my keel was my priority. 

But I yearned for him to want to know more. Like asking me if I had longed for connections, or if I was depressed being alone, or if the single life was comfortable and that I was too scared to venture out. 

He asked none of those questions and brushed off something that was vulnerable to me. Maybe he thought I did the same about his mother. I didn’t ask how she was or put in any curiosity about her. That was my downfall, as he cared deeply for his mother.

We were stationary, with the buzz of our dorsal fins singing with the hum of the waves. Maybe the pearl would never be uncovered. Instead the grit and dirt would be the only thing we could see of each other. With no shiny and iridescent material to blind us to each other’s shortcomings. 

Vignette 5- Parallel Universes

We decided to meet at the Jellyfish Lights. Each one adorned the cavern with a pink glow that made the moon blush from the candle-light atmosphere that was instilled on that night. I was blushing too when I saw him untangle himself from the seaweed while he quaintly held his head toward the pink jellyfish. The pink bells almost looked like cherry blossom petals dancing on a spring day.

As we talked, we were exuberant about making memories together. He said he’d watch with me, the seafolk that I grew up watching. Like dolphins doing acrobatics above and under the waves. This was a big contrast to what he said his favourite seafolk to watch were. I said I could watch with him his favourite seafolk, like the stingray’s ghastly face haunting the sea creatures of the deep. It was my way of accommodating him and willing to try new things. In the stretch of time, I only hoped that he saw it as a gesture of holding my snout out to him and saying that I was ready to meet him where he was at. 

He said that we’d see live music together. He said, “I’ll let you know if I can make it to see Deserted Seafood that moon-tide.” I was giddy with excitement and couldn’t wait to go to Cavern in the Tavern for a night of live music with him. But those memories were never made. Only the memory of silence followed through. There were no dolphins to impress us with their acrobatics, no stingrays to haunt us with their smiles and no live music that would soothe our nerves. 

The memories became the what ifs. The deserted happiness, and to me, the unsaid feelings. Just like how the jellyfish never meet each other in the waves. Or how when cherry blossom petals fall without touching each other. Our times were tied to parallel universes that were destined to never meet again. 

Vignette 6- The Hollow Shell

The final meeting was not a meeting, but a silent farewell. I waited amongst the seaweed, at the Eternal Waterfall. I thought I had seen his shadow curl towards the depths of the waves, but no. It wasn’t him. The boat’s beak flowed above the ocean’s surface, becoming an unstoppable force from nature’s whims.

I was anything but unstoppable, and felt the buck had left me to myself. There was not a sound from him. He faded away like the lustre on a gem. My heart still ached for him. I wanted time to stop, like an anchor being dropped onto a seabed. I wanted our parallel times to converge. 

An orange shell was covered amongst the sand. I picked it up with my tail and curled it tightly to my body. The remaining thoughts I had of him were, was he a treasure to me? Time revealed the grit under the lustre. But love reveals itself when the time is right. With hope for the future, I kept this secret with me, like a treasure to fill the empty space in my heart.

In the distance, the boat shrieked onto the shore and unloaded its belongings, like seafolk departing from their loved ones. But the ship must sail on and prepare for the new destination it calls for. So there it was, it travelled away in the distance, following the waves like its destiny. 

I held the shell tightly between my tail and felt the hollowness of it. It became my treasure to remember what we had shared together. I looked up at The Eternal Waterfall. It had replaced the echoes of Deserted Seafood in my head. What was a place to find a soulmate, had now become my place to reminisce on that first encounter I had of him, holding the treasures and dirt I had encountered along the way.