Surviving the Night

Running beneath the night sky, beneath the blanket of safety, Ed clutches the straps of his backpack tightly. Only hearing the faint slapping of his shoes onto the concrete and hearing the rhythmic thumps of his heart. A thin layer of sweat coats his skin and he swipes it away with the back of his numb hand. He feels warmth as he touches his forehead but it then turns to an icy chill in seconds. Energy and blood surge through his veins, replacing every doubt he’s ever had, replacing the emptiness inside of him. Icy winds pierce his skin but he doesn’t care; he keeps running.

Street lights guide Ed through the darkness, through a maze of squids and elephants smeared onto hidden walls. Ed hears faint hisses and whispers in the dark and the fumes of spray- paint suffocating him as he approaches a patch of bricks which have been left untouched. He can feel drums pounding in his skull and blood streaming through every river of artery beneath his flesh. He whips out his spray-can and starts to shake it and then sees clouds of mist diffuse in the icy air as he exhales deeply.

The sound of clinks rattle through the night air, awakening Ed. He feels his muscles tense up and his breathing pattern rapidly becoming quicker.

The hiss of the can send shivers down his spine as he viciously streaks the wall with red. It splutters onto the wall and the toxic scent overtakes his body like anger.  Ed scrunches his face and keeps going, trying to block out the fumes.

He keeps streaking the wall with anger and pain.

With every breath he draws he hears murmurs in his head ascending to a deafening scream, piercing his throat and eyes. Ed swallows hard as he wills himself not to remember the sounds of roars and screams. Of roars which made every single nerve in his body tremble, and screams which would race through his arteries. He gives up to the battle in his head and lets haunted memories sear his mind.

He remembers the roars of his parents viciously attacking one another with abusive remarks. Remembers them lashing out at each other for small and insignificant problems that they could just ‘rack up’ from the top of their heads. They could just rack up any small problems they could think of as a way to piss each other off. He remembers the roars, the screams and complaints about who paid the most bills.

‘I’m the one who pays for his school fees, house bills, gas bills! What about you? You don’t do anything!’

‘I… I… I’m the one paying for his Medibank! How dare you say I’m not doing anything, I am helping out!’

Ed spits at the ground in disgust, “Idiots,” he mutters to himself. Then he pulls out another spray-can and flicks his wrist in anger and disgust.  He drifts away from the world where his feet stands on, escaping from the dark sky hovering above his head and drifts along to a sea of memories…

He sees his Mum’s arms clawing the air as she screams and his Dad throwing his arms around as he shouts. They are both drowning in murky water as they are grabbing and dragging each other down, struggling to keep afloat but they keep drowning each other.  They don’t even glance back at him; they just keep fighting for their own lives, not even noticing who they’re actually drowning.

Ed then sees himself slamming the back door. Remembering the raw feelings of hatred, anger and the pure feeling of wanting to belong. He sees himself running beneath the night sky, the blanket of safety. Remembering his heart thumping in rhythm with the faint slapping of his shoes.

Then sees himself right here in the maze of many stories and souls. One of elephants and squids smeared onto hidden walls. Of many stories overlapping one another, of many lives emerging together.

Ed stares blankly at his canvas, at his life. His whole soul imprinted on the wall which belonged with every other soul and with every other story smeared onto the wall.

He sees a boat sailing in dark, harsh seas with the waves engulfing it. Consuming every bit of hope it has left while the waves throw and rock it around.  He sees red streaks seeping into the deep blue sky, soaking into the darkness and emerging together with the black seas. Creating a sunrise, but then he sees something brighter.

He sees himself sailing towards it.